A Day to Honor and Witness *All* Mothers

Mother’s Day is such a complex and fraught holiday for me (and many others too).

On the one hand, motherhood is such a vastly underappreciated life path, I want to honor all the literal mothers of human children I know.

I want to honor and acknowledge mothers who come by their gifts of mothering naturally.

Mothers who’ve struggled with it and for whom it doesn’t feel intuitive at all.

For mothers who sometimes fantasize about walking away from it all and starting a new life where they get to have a Self again.

For mothers who bought the whole fantasy hook line and sinker and now realize it’s *not* all it’s cracked up to be, in fact lots of it sucks but it’s still worth it, or it’s not worth it but it’s too late to go back now.

My mom was a good mother, but had a complex relationship with motherhood, having grown up in a a family that fostered over 100 babies in addition to her 3 siblings. Like many women of her generation, she wasn't really given other options besides having kids. I think in her heart she would have liked to be a Bohemian, spending her days writing and her nights in jazz clubs with the love of her life, my father.
My mom was a good mother, but had a complex relationship with motherhood, having grown up in a a family that fostered over 100 babies in addition to her 3 siblings. Like many women of her generation, she wasn’t really given other options besides having kids. I think in her heart she would have liked to be a Bohemian, spending her days writing and her nights in jazz clubs with the love of her life, my father.

For mothers who really aren’t cut out for this task, but were swept up in cultural norms and hang in there “for the kids”.

For mothers who knew in their heart of hearts that it wasn’t the right time or place and made the courageous decision to abort.

For mothers who knew it was not in their child’s best interest or maybe their own and courageously gave them up for adoption.

For mothers who’ve never known childbirth, or maybe even swaddling an infant, but knew their heart was large enough to envelope an adopted child, formally or informally.

For those women who have longed and ached to have a child of their own but physically, emotionally or circumstantially weren’t able to have a child.

For those women who have never had an urge to bear a child but birth wonder and beauty into the world in other ways.

For those women who’ve had their children taken away by child protective services and don’t know if they can rightly claim or have to fight to claim this as their day.

For mothers who’ve lost a child to miscarriage, SIDS, other disease, suicide, drug overdose, war, gang violence, murder or abuse.

For those children who have lost a mother, through death, disease, CPS, Alzheimers, abuse, neglect, etc.

For those children who never had a mother they knew.

For those children whose mother’s were forgiveably or unforgiveably abusive or neglectful.

For children who were adopted and never knew their birth mother.

For birth mothers who deeply regret giving up their child, and so so so many more, this can be a difficult holiday.

So for all the mothers and non-mothers and other-mothers, for whom this day is joyful and simple, I celebrate you.

And for all the mothers, non-mothers, other-mothers and children for whom this holiday is a little more complex, tricky, fraught, grief-filled, dreaded, or despised, I witness you in your wholeness, which includes all these complicated nuances and more and send you love, comfort and blessings. ❤

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